What to Do When Person Continues to Violate Restraining Orders

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   gravenstein Law Topic Starter New Member

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   So I think mine predicament is maybe complicated but I really need some advice. I am not trying to paint a terrible picture of this but describe basically what really is happening.

   I will try to define the situation as I perceive it now, about 4 months ago my girl friend was living with me and basically pursuing other interests too. I guess my views and hers are different on how folks respect a relationship, I am somewhat older than she is, but pretty much still going strong, being active but this just may be different styles in how folks want to live which is of course fine as each person alone has the right to do what they want.

   This sort of relationship was a love hate deal for 3 years and lots of arguments etc. I care about this person a LOT, and found as we went though our time together she was taking a lot of prescription meds, and seeing a psychiatrist for what were diagnosed as several conditions, the short of it was most folks would wonder a bit about the mood swings and very angry outbursts, lots of depressions, I am sure folks understand these things happen. But hey by now I am in love and thought time could work through this things, turns out pretty naive.

   One night however I seem to have enough of the verbal abuse and one particular recent incident where she decided to go hang with another person in Hawaii telling me it was something else, just got me very upset. Not hard to see that since she kind of like to flaunt it once these kind of happenings surfaced, over the last year there had been 7 other guys kind of engaged (not kidding) folks don't wear labels so when you get in a relationship things come out as it goes it course for better or worse, but she said she still loved me and I kept trying to see if things would work. Long story but we did run the avenues of options to no real avail.

   There was no hitting, pushing, grabbing physical violence that night as I wigged but started tossing her stuff, boxes, suitcases out the front door (she never unpacks). I was completely wrong, no denial there at all, and truly I messed up, but we struggled over a suitcase, neighbors heard the loud shouting called the cops and I was arrested as she has a couple red marks and that was enough, again violence in any form is wrong. There was lots of mean things said, and lots of intimidation from both of us, but never the less I was still wrong regardless, and responsible for my own actions.

   I thought I had a right as the sole person covering everything to make her move on after many, many, many, requests (offers to provide a car for a while, $2,500 in a money order to help get her started) basically not the boot but for her to make a plan and let us each move on....now of course I know legally thats not how it works, and I mishandled the way things were done. Process of eviction notice, etc. Half the battle is facing myself and knowing I was wrong and learn from my mistakes regardless of why I got upset. Classes I believe are working so I will improve as a person moving forward....

   Fast forward, the law is the law, I went to court, never been in trouble before, after the facts were reviewed it charges went from DV to disturbing the peace but the restraining order against me by the court is in place. we are getting to the part I need help on now.

   Girlfriend then was getting ready to do a study abroad right then and leaves for a tour of 8 countries as part of the educational package she had signed up for, leaving with "no money" I soon started to get emails of pleas for help, stranded, fear of no cash, anxiety attacks, can't buy food, heavy guilt intonations and wants help from me, I of course care about her and also knowing I am no suppose to reply. I get a friend to do go between emails as I thought that was some type of ground where I could her her make it through and still follow the law. Then she becomes stranded in Istanbul, long story but bad judgement sort of thing, no way home, no money, anxiety attacks continue to go crazy and she again turns to me through many emails crying for help....what do you do, leave her? I am just not that kind of person, then send plane fare I couldn't afford to help....

   She gets back and I can not go pick her up due to court order, and then she finds out at the airport that her little dog had died at her folks house due to heat exhaustion (I had bought the dog for her $1100) it was definitely heartbreaking but she went crazy on her folks and begged me to let her come to my apt.

   Now I am in trouble, what is happening is, for whatever reasons she claiming "we" are together, I must pay her bills, let her live with me, pay for her a new phone, long list of demands, she is often overdrawn at the bank and wants me to keep coming up with money for her.

   I just don't know what to do, I told her that she must remove the court order or I can't continue to help her, she doesn't feel thats necessary, the last serious boy friend ended up in the same boat and did go to jail at one point (although her did slug her at a bar on that deal), yes she got the system figured out! now she kind of really blackmailing me to do all these things, those emotional issues I mentioned, it turns out are getting to be really ugly outbursts, lots of very cutting statements targeting leveling your self esteem and its working, and I am very much worried about by safely and legal consequences.

   So thats what I need to have advice on, if I say get out, she can make one call and I go directly to Jail, doesn't matter if I was noble or anything else. If she stays I continues to be extorted into doing and giving into what she wants, oh and btw now she playing the field again already on the internet with her existing or new guys. And me of course hearing this in my place...so if I just leave, she's got my apt, access to one car, she had several wreaks and just scraped my own main car now too)and threatens to start selling off my stuff as she wants money....I just don't know what legal steps I can take to have her removed and still not get tossed into jail.....help!!!

   I am not trying to cry the blues to much here, I was pretty much getting over her back into being a positive person happy with my normal little life, and just want to figure out how to help her move on and let me get back to where I need to be too. is there a way to do that?
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   CdwJava Moderator

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   It will not matter WHY you are present in defiance of the order, all that will matter is that you are in violation of the order. Letting her back set you up for jail.

   She will need to go back to court and ask to have the order rescinded. However, if this is a Criminal Protective Order issued after a conviction for DV then it will be more difficult. What she might stand a chance at is obtaining a modification to make it a PEACEFUL contact order. That still gives her a lot of power because all she has to do is call and say you annoyed her or fought with her and she goes to jail.

   If she will not voluntarily leave then you may need to either get the management to evict the both of you (and let you back in afterward) or you will have to just leave on your own.

   - Carl

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